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Spice Up Sex Life

How to spice up your sex life

November 22, 2019
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How to spice up your sex life before you get to the bedroom

Every aspect of your relationship is as unique as the two individuals involved. Your communication, likes, dislikes, relatives and sex are completely unique to the two of you. This is a very important consideration when it comes to the point where you want to spice up your sex life. To rekindle the fire in your bedroom therefore requires an understanding of each others personality, an honest assessment of the relationship you have and your current circumstances. Failing to address these three core aspects will only result in short term changes in the sex department regardless of how much kink you bring into the bedroom. 

It has been said that the mind is the most powerful sex organ. Those who appreciate this fact have achieved the highest levels of sexual satisfaction. You therefore need to start with your mind when looking to spice up your sex life. Once that is covered, you are well on your way to what others consider a fairy tale bedroom story. Once you are in the right frame of mind there are a number of things you can do to turn the little sparks that have been in your bedroom into a raging sexual fire.

1. Begin with yourself

While most of the tips on how to spice up your sex life tell you what you can do for your partner, these can only succeed after you have taken care of you. For you to successfully spice things up, you need to focus on what makes you feel sexy. This calls for you to have a sexy state of mind, a sexy state of dress or undress, a sexy environment and a sexy anything else you want. You are fifty percent of the sexual relationship you are working on and that means you are half the solution that is needed to make a difference.  

2. Be assertive

You need to occasionally take charge of things in the sex department. It not only communicates the fact that you are very involved in what is going on, but it also serves as an educative session on things you enjoy doing and being done to you. This is not only in regards to the sexual activities themselves but also has to do with the various other aspects. Ask your partner to dress up in a way that you find sexually attractive, choose where and when to have sex and include the things that are fun and kinky for you. Taking control of your sexual experiences will often result in greater satisfaction for you which in turn makes you more willing to give your partner a similar level of satisfaction.

3. Break the rules and the routine

Rules and routine are the worst excitement killers. If you know what will happen before it starts, there is no way you can get excited about it. Throwing in sexy surprises is a sure way of firing up your sex life. There is always a thrill in doing something that you would not do under normal circumstances. Depending on how far the two of you are willing to go, a few broken rules will go a long way towards making things a lot more interesting for you and your partner. You do not have to go all the way but a few intimate moments can be a great build up towards an awesome sexual encounter. The more creative you can get with your surprises, the better things are going to be.

4. Make sex a priority

With a busy personal, professional and family life, sex can easily become something you do when there is time and energy left after everything else has been done. Prioritizing sex is one of the most important things when you are working to spice up your sex life. It means making time for sex, actively thinking of ways to make it better and ensuring that you are energetic and enthusiastic when going into it. 

5. Work on your relationship

While sex is a big part of your relationship, it is not everything in your relationship. Just as problems with sex affect your relationship, problems in your relationship are bound to affect your sex. If you are constantly working to improve your relationship you will in many ways be working on improving your sex life.

Having covered these fundamental areas, you can then go into the more instant solutions such as shopping for sexy clothing, experimenting with toys and role playing, acting out fantasies and other such things. Combining both the long term and instant solutions is the best way to spice up your sex life.

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Men And Sex Toys

Men Who Fear Sex Toys

November 22, 2019
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Bringing toys into your boudoir is a fun and exciting way to spice up your love life.  However, some men are apprehensive about using toys, and a few may downright refuse.  Why is this?  And how can you help your man get past this?

Why Men are Afraid of Toys

Usually, the reason is a simple and unsurprising one: they make him feel inadequate.

Many men think that the reason you want to introduce toys to your bedroom is because he alone is not enough to satisfy you.  Although this is likely not the case, it will nonetheless bruise his ego.

There are a few things you can try if your man seems less-than-enthusiastic about trying something new.

Start Slow

Don’t be too insistent that he try using toys.  If you suggest them and he says no, don’t ask again for a few days or weeks.  Trying to force toys into your relationship will only further his feelings that he isn’t satisfying you.

Make It Something Special for Him

Give him his own private peep show.  Tell him he is only allowed to watch while you play with your new toy.  Don’t let him join in until he can no longer stand it!

Try this for a birthday or anniversary present, or even as a “just because.”  Hopefully, this will turn him on and help to change his attitude about toys!

Focus on Him

Don’t concentrate too much on they toys.  Use them for foreplay and to get things heated up, but toss them aside after a short while.  Making him the main focus will help ease any feelings of inadequacy.

Size Matters 

Since his apprehension is likely fueled by feeling that he is not man enough, make sure you don’t choose a toy that reinforces these feelings.  Look for a toy that is smaller than he is.  Knowing that his size isn’t in question will make him feel better about the situation.

When All Else Fails…

You may find that no matter your approach, you man is still not comfortable with the idea of bringing toys into the bedroom.  If this is the case for you, you may have to take no for an answer.  

Rather than potentially destroying the relationship, try something else to spice things up in the bedroom, like new positions or techniques.  Keep your toys tucked away for those times when he is out of town or otherwise not around, and settle for using them solo.

Be patient, be thoughtful, and don’t be too pushy.  Hopefully, these tips will help to ease your man’s anxiety about bringing toys into your love life!

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Bondage Kit

Bondage For Beginners

October 31, 2019
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Bondage For Beginners!

By Terry Mancour

When you think of “kinky”, often the first thing that pops into your head is the image of whips and chains, pain and pleasure . . . and some guy with a cheesy 70s pornstar mustache.  But erotic bondage and discipline is both far more common and far less extreme than most people think.  Millions of couples have incorporated light bondage and fantasy discipline into their every-day sex lives without going to extremes.  Once the practice is understood for what it is – and what it isn’t – then incorporating this kind of fantasy sex into your life is a great way to inject some passion and intensity into your relationship.

Restraints

Erotic bondage is, quite simply, the use of restraints on one partner during sex to suggest a loss of control that many find exciting.  Control games such as tying up or blindfolding your partner can be highly stimulating – some lovers who have a hard time reaching orgasm because of control issues find it far easier to do so once they have abandoned themselves to a light bondage scenario.  The restraints, as nominal as they might be, give them permission to relax and “let go” for their lover.  Of course there are degrees of bondage play, from a simple binding of hands with a silk tie or pantyhose, through the use of light handcuffsor Velcro bindings, all the way up to rather extreme full-body suits that provide a sense of immobility that only a seasoned bondage enthusiast is usually comfortable with.

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Hand in hand with erotic bondage is BDSM – “Bondage & Discipline/Sado-Masochism” – the “whips” part of “whips and chains”.  While this aspect might be as daunting to some as bondage is to others, the safe and controlled fantasy power-plays between lovers can inspire great depths of passion, sexual exploration, and mind-numbing orgasms when just the right balance of pain and pleasure is achieved.  

Pain And Pleasure

While some are leery of mixing pain with pleasure, the two are naturally combined.  The same nerve cells on our skin that register a gentle caress become excited and super-sensitive when a little pain is provided.  The purpose of BDSM play is not to injure the recipient of the playful spanking, of course, or even cause a lot of pain – merely to excite and sensitize the flesh to achieve greater responsiveness and orgasm.  

Most beginners in BDSM confine themselves to a light spanking, with hand, small whip or paddle, often followed with tiny caresses that can inspire tremendous erotic sensation.  Of course many of us have fantasies of control that include pain and spanking – naughty schoolgirl/boy, “French Maid”, boss/secretary, master/slave girl and other erotic role-playing games incorporating some degree of BDSM are highly popular as our culture grows more sexually sophisticated.  Accessories to compliment these fantasies are widely available, from paddles, whips, and other “spanking implements” to costumes appropriate to any fantasy.  

Sex Play Rules

But even the novice BDSM enthusiast needs to remember a few key rules to restraints and sex play.  First there is the “safe word” – a mutually-agreed-upon word unlikely to come up in the scene (“umbrella” or “pickle” are popular) which, when spoken by either party, indicates that someone is feeling uncomfortable with the scenario and wants to stop.  Agreeing to a safe word is vital to fostering the sense of trust necessary to have a truly enjoyable BDSM experience.

Another mistake some novices make in their enthusiasm is introducing too many BDSM elements into their sex lives too quickly.  Not only can a mountain of whips and handcuffs be intimidating to a partner new to the practice, but trying to incorporate too much too soon can put a strain on the relationship and lead to a disappointing experience.  Try introducing one or two elements at a time, and add to them as you and your partner decide which things you found enjoyable.  Usually starting with a simple blindfold and an easily-escapable bondage rig – tying your mate’s hands loosely to the bedposts with a couple of old ties or Velcro restraints, for example – is enough of a start to get you and your partner comfortable with the idea.  After that, explore your fantasies with expansions of your bondage gear gradually.

An important consideration is how tightly you bind your partner (or wish to be bound yourself.)  Many novice BDSM enthusiasts make the mistake of thinking that the best way to begin is by tightly immobilizing their partner to the point where escape on their own is difficult or impossible.  While it’s true that a loss of control is implicit in the BDSM experience, it’s also important to remember that a novice is going to be nervous about that loss of control and might panic when faced with true immobility.  Usually the simple illusion of immobility is quite enough to convince someone to abandon their sense of control – once they are satisfied that they can escape at will if they get uncomfortable.  Lightly-restricting bondage gear with quick-release fasteners is usually perfectly adequate for a beginner’s BDSM experience.  

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Sex Drive

Seven Tips for Dealing With Incompatible Sex Drives

October 24, 2019
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Seven Tips for Dealing With Incompatible Sex Drives

by Dr. E. C. Gordon

Seven Tips for Dealing With Incompatible Sex Drives

Although sex is not the most important part of a long term relationship, partners with different sex drives can find that this incompatibility starts to interfere with other aspects of their relationship. If your partner seems to be less interested in sex, you can feel unattractive, insecure and frustrated. Meanwhile, if your partner wants to have more frequent sex, you can feel pressured and resentful. Read on to discover seven tips that will help you to understand and deal with the difference between your partner’s sex drive and your own.

1) Have a long, honest conversation:
If you refuse to talk about your sex life, any problems can be magnified and can start to infect unexpected parts of your interpersonal dynamic. After a while, the whole relationship may turn sour. Given these possibilities, avoiding the issue is one of the worst decisions you can make if you and your partner have incompatible sex drives. That being said, many people find it awkward and uncomfortable to have frank conversations about sex, so if you decide to be the one to instigate the conversation then make sure you do so in a way that encourages your partner to open up. Start out by saying that you are not blaming anyone for the issues in your sex life, and that you want to discuss them so that you can work together to find a solution that will make things better. If the conversation starts to become an argument, try to keep calm and remind your partner that you only want to discuss this topic because you care about making sure that the relationship is as good as it can possibly be.

2) Find out whether foreplay is an issue:
People sometimes start to desire sex less because they are not deriving as much enjoyment from the act. In some cases, this is because one partner needs considerably more foreplay in order to feel like they are in the mood for sex. If you are the person with the higher sex drive, ask your partner if they think they would enjoy physical intimacy more if you spent more time kissing or touching before sex. Meanwhile, if you have realized that you would want to have sex more often if your partner tried harder to ‘warm you up’, then say so. This information does not have to be presented in the form of a criticism. For example, you might simply choose to say that you love the way your partner touches you and that you think you would find sex even hotter if more of this foreplay was involved.

3) Consider different forms of sexual intimacy:
Incompatible sex drives occasionally result from physical difficulties or discomfort. For example, men who struggle with erection problems may have lower sex drives due to nervousness and anxiety associated with sex. Meanwhile, women who have regularly experienced pain during sex may start to shy away from the act in case it hurts them. If you and your partner think that your sex life is being undermined by these types of physical issues, give some thought to expanding your sex life. For example, you might start focusing on manual or oral stimulation instead of intercourse.

4) Never have sex if you do not truly want to:
If your sex drive is lower than your partner’s, their unhappiness and your own feelings of guilt may make you feel as though you should just ‘get on with it’ even if you do not feel like doing so. While this may temporarily please the other person, it tends to have negative consequences in the long term. You may feel used or disconnected from your partner, and if they realize that you are having sex when you do not want to then they may feel offended and embarrassed. This type of well-meaning deception can cause trust issues that run deeper and last longer than the problems in your sex life.

5) Never pressure your partner to have sex:
If you have a higher sex drive than your partner, it is vital that you never make them feel as though they are under pressure  to have sex with you. While you should always be honest if a lack of sex is making you unhappy, you need to draw a distinction between being truthful about your feelings and trying to manipulate your partner into being physically intimate so that you feel better. Your partner is under no obligation to do anything that they do not want to do, and trying to pressure someone into having sex is a form of psychological abuse that violates the person’s autonomy.

6) Think about trying new things:
If you used to have compatible sex drives and there are no obvious physical or emotional issues that could be causing a reduction in one of your sex drives, boredom may be the root cause. Although it is often easiest to continue repeating a tried and tested sexual routine, over time the repetition can lead to one or both parties feeling somewhat numb to what used to be a satisfying source of stimulation. When prompted to reflect, the member of the relationship with the lower sex drive may realize and admit that they would be more interested in sex if there was more variety on offer. You can then discuss new positions, purchases and ideas that might make intimacy more exciting (and make your sex drives more compatible).

7) Explore counseling:
Finally, sex therapists and certain relationship counselors are trained to help couples explore the reasons underlying their sexual difficulties, so it is worth considering this option if discussions between you and your partner have not managed to improve your sex life. Although it sounds daunting to discuss something so personal with a stranger, remember that counselors and therapists are required to abstain from judgmental behavior or remarks and that they will have seen many other couples with problems that are more unusual than yours.

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Sexual Sensuality

Seven Sensual Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

October 24, 2019
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Seven Sensual Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

By Dr E. C. Gordon


When you have been in a relationship for years or even decades, your sex life often becomes something of a routine. Once you have learned about the things that your partner enjoys, it is tempting to just repeat these specific acts. After all, they are successful, and trying new things comes with the possibility of failure. However, once sex becomes predictable then it starts to become merely pleasant as opposed to passionate, and from there it can easily become boring. In addition, couples often become rather lazy about sex as the years wear on, all but eliminating foreplay or allowing it to turn into a cursory process. Read on to learn about seven ways to add some sensuality to your sex life and improve your relationship in the process.

1) Make foreplay last much longer:
A lot of couples will simply kiss for a few minutes before moving on to intercourse, or pay lip service to the idea of foreplay by briefly caressing each other before getting undressed. However, if you do this then you are missing out on a lot of intimacy and on the chance to make the sex itself more intense. Firstly, sex without foreplay can be quite impersonal and can sometime makes one or both of you feel somewhat ‘used’. On the other hand, taking the time to really explore your partner’s body with your hands and mouth will make them feel strongly desired, and being treated this way in return will create the same feelings in you. Secondly, if foreplay is drawn out then the anticipation will make you both much more lustful. This is likely to make you much more enthusiastic when you eventually make love, and equally likely to increase the level of satisfaction that you feel at the end of the night.

2) Experiment with using a blindfold:
When you are blindfolded, all of your other senses are heightened. This means that you are likely to experience more sexual pleasure. In addition, you will enjoy the excitement of wondering when and where your partner’s next touch will come. Wearing a blindfold during foreplay or sex is also a great way to cautiously experiment with being submissive to you partner, and the lack of control that you have over the situation can be thrilling. Next time, trade places and be the one to blindfold your partner.

3) Learn how to give each other a thorough massage:
A massage creates deep relaxation and the sort of intimacy that leads to better lovemaking. If you have the time and the interest, you could take a short massage course in order to learn how to expertly relieve tension in your partner. Alternatively, you might just want to shop for a smooth and pleasantly scented massage oil. Some of these oils are designed for foreplay and will be specially scented in a way that enhances sensuality. In addition, some flavored sexual lubricants double as massage oils, so you can combine massage with some more substantial foreplay.

4) Try abstaining from sex for a while:
Talk to your partner and agree on a length of time during which you will not make love at all. During this period, enjoy all of the forms of physical intimacy that young lovers tend to experience before they decide to have sex. When intercourse is not an option, you will work harder to please each other in all of these ways. When you finally return to having sex, you will hopefully hold on to all that you have learned and decide to incorporate it into fun and sensual foreplay.

5) Take a bath together:
Before you even get down to real foreplay, consider going for a hot bath together. The image of a couple in a bubble bath gently lit by candles may sound like a tired cliché, but the experience can be both relaxing and highly intimate. You might try surprising your partner with a bubble bath after work, and you could share a bottle of wine or some favourite chocolate while you bathe. After the bath, you will probably find that you are in the ideal mood for slow, sensual sex.

6) Have sex somewhere new:
In addition to approaching sex somewhat differently, you might want to start thinking about where you have it. A new location will help to spark new behaviours and encourage you to try new positions. If you always make love in bed, try moving to the shower or the sofa. If you have an entirely private yard, have sex outside in the summer.

7) Pick out lingerie together:
If you are female, encourage your partner to go shopping with you so that you can get some help and input when picking out sexy new bras and underwear. If your partner is female, go shopping and pick out a surprise (or find a few potential gifts online and let her choose which ones she likes best).


If you keep these seven tips in mind and work to include at least half of them in the way that you approach sex with your partner, your sex life will become more sensual and less predictable. You may also want to explore some more adventurous amendments to your sex life, but you should first start with the basics by working to create a greater degree of intimacy and a larger amount of sexual chemistry.

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